Spring

After a six week winter stint in Lleida with only one day in Barcelona, my life was feeling a little lacking.  Lleida is great, don't get me wrong, but living with 5 people, studying a lot, working a lot, and not changing much from week to week, one can tire easily in this small town.

The upside of the previous six week period was that I really dove in to a few things:  My studying of the Bible, my school studies, and myself.

Now, all those things go into "myself" and I don't mean it to sound so egotistical/selfish, but I was in need of a lot of guidance as of late- I was feeling alone- almost like a second dip in the "culture shock" graph, a re-entry shock of sorts.  When Andy left and my friends from first semester took off to their hometowns, I felt quite honestly the most alone I'd felt since August, the first days here.  Little old me, alone in Spain, poor me.  Then, Ainsley sent me a package out of the blue and in it was the Dr. Suess book "Oh the places you will go" and that same book was referenced in Jeff Manion's 3rd sermon (Ada Bible Church) in the Joseph series...I'm extremely thankful for the "download mp3" option on their sermon webpage.  God was faithful to Joseph and Joseph was faithful to God, no matter WHERE he was (i.e. rotting in Jail in Egypt, far away from family, not only physically- and God was still able to use him in that!)

When I moved here, I didn't take a Bible because I figured I had one online and the Bibles I had were big and weighed a lot so I couldn't carry it along.  At that time, I thought my devotional book would suffice and I could look up passages online.  Poor decision.  When Andy came out, he left his Bible with me and since then, I have been incredibly drawn to reading it.  I find incredible comfort in the tactile.  I enjoy holding the weight of the Bible, flipping it's pages, and feeling the leather cover.  I leave it on my bedside table and root around in it like never before. Once I read a book on the difference between solitude and loneliness and I realize those differences, but I think I found time for solitude (with God) in my loneliness.  I admittedly bowed out of activities and outings and the parties to welcome the "new erasmus" because I didn't have it in me to go.  I didn't feel full enough to pour out of me all the listening skills and nonverbal/verbal communication necessary to establish new friendships and ties.  I was low and uninteresting because I needed to reencounter my ground.   Ends up, when I found that place, it was due to spending time in the Bible and listening to what the Lord was saying, both in direct and indirect ways.

Normally, I don't trust myself to take the correct message away from the Bible.  I don't know much about all the historical context and I've not studied or read extensively, but I am learning slowly via sermons and books by Christian authors.  I used to trust devotional books to develop those thoughts for me and I would agree and nod my head and close the book.  Now, I'm finding more practical evaluation and real-life situations make the Word come alive.  It's been crazy.  I'll wake up and read a passage and pray over it and later in that day, a very obvious sign will smack me in the face!  One day I was struggling for clarity on a decision whether to stay on course (set in my decision and slightly stubborn decision at that)with what I was thinking, or make a change (not knowing if that would be a good outcome or not so good).  I was walking to a job of mine and took a side street that I don't normally walk down.  As I was recalling my prayer for clarity, I looked up and saw these beautiful flowering trees that must have JUST sprung into life and flowered.  It was the very first sign of obvious Spring I had seen, and that sign pointed me to make a change in my position on my decision.  Time for a change.  Spring.